


Resolve

by syntheticaesthetic



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-25
Updated: 2013-08-25
Packaged: 2017-12-24 14:35:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,062
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/941132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/syntheticaesthetic/pseuds/syntheticaesthetic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sirius Black resolves to make things right. Circa "Prisoner of Azkaban.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Resolve

**Author's Note:**

> I was scrolling around the files on my computer when I found this gem, written so many years ago I can’t even remember. I feel like its actually decent enough to publish, now that I actually have an account. I'm not thrilled with it, and its not perfect, but its nice to have something up for a different fandom. I’ll be hard at work soon on the planning of my two or three part Walking Dead fic, so be on the lookout for that!

              Sirius directed his eyes in the direction of the nearby window, only a level above the ground, and tried to discern what room it belonged to.  _Why does Hogwarts need so many rooms? Its not like they use all of them,_ he thought bitterly.While in his youth he would have been able to tell in seconds exactly what the room was and who its occupants were via the use of the Marauder’s Map, it was not quite as easy now as a map-less adult – especially an adult who had been confined to a cell in Azkaban for twelve years.  Scowling, Sirius stood, hidden fairly well in the bushes.

             The door opened. Two figures walked in, clearly adult judging by their height and stature.  The first was a female, with very gray hair, glasses, and an emerald robe. It took Sirius a second to remind himself who it was— he was so used to the stern look on her face, that this new kind expression was very off-putting. Minerva McGonagall turned to hand a copy of the _Daily Prophet_ to her companion, a tall yet thin man, who also had graying hair. He accepted the paper from the Deputy Headmistress with a murmured “thank you” and began to skim an article. A frown graced his face.

             “Minerva…” he started, his voice louder this time, but much more grim. Sirius’ heart leapt, thumping uncomfortably fast in his chest.  He knew that voice. He hadn’t heard it for twelve years and six months.                                                                                                                                                                                

             “I know, Remus. He’s close. Too close.” McGonagall’s voice held a gentle note in it, clearly in sympathy for the younger man. “Albus is worried. He’s afraid Black will do something rash.”

            “Rash? Like what? What could he possibly do to be even more rash than he already has been?”  Remus’ eyebrows shot up towards his fringe, exactly as they had in Sirius’ school days.

            “Albus thinks he’ll try to break into the castle again.” “He wouldn’t.” Remus’ voice was matter of fact. “What makes you so sure?” “I know that Sirius isn’t that much of a fool.” “You also thought that Sirius would never betray James and Lily Potter.” Sirius closed his eyes sharply. _Low blow, Minnie. Untrue low blow, but still that’s gotta hurt for poor Moony._  

            “Sirius isn’t stupid Minerva.” Remus’ voice now held a harsh tone.

            “He’s reckless Remus. Even during school, he was reckless – you know that! Twelve years in Azkaban will only add to his insanity.” McGonagall’s demeanor suggested sadness and regret. How had one decision affected so many people in such a way?

            Sirius sat down, his throat constricting painfully as he watched the two continue to converse, no longer paying attention to their words. Instead he drank in the sight of his former best friend and his sorry state. Even with his obvious status as a professor at Hogwarts, it was apparent that the years had not been kind to him.     

_Moony, Moony, Moony._

_Remus Lupin, my, how you have changed..._

          Sirius didn’t know what he had expected, just not this. Had he expected Remus to be dead as well? Had he expected some other job for his former friend?  Had he – and it hurt to even consciously think this— thought that his friend would have gone feral?  And why did it take seeing him, to actually remember him?

 _Well…_ he thought bitterly, _we didn’t exactly part on good terms…_ In fact, the last time they had saw each other Sirius had cursed at his boyhood friend, called him several nasty names, and accused him of treachery.  He wouldn’t be surprised if the man, along with the rest of the wizarding world, despised him.  Looking back, Sirius really couldn’t say he had a good defense for his treatment of Remus. Everyone in those times had been afraid and no one really trusted each other. Theirs had not been the only friendship torn apart. He _did_ however feel like vermin when he thought back on why he had picked _Remus_ as the target for all of his suspicions.  For how many years had he been telling his friend that just because he was a werewolf didn’t mean that he was inherently evil?

        He hadn’t meant what he had said – any of it. He had been angry, scared, and desperate to protect James, Lily, and Harry.  Sirius remembered walking through the wreckage of the Potter house that fateful night holding Harry tight in his arms and waiting for Hagrid to show up and take his precious godson away from him. He remembered staring down at James and Lily’s bodies, and thinking to himself, _I should have trusted you Remus. I should have known. If I had trusted you, they’d be alive. James and Lily would be alive, and Harry would have a family. I was wrong Moony. And now they’re dead. Peter played us all._ It was one of many things that had haunted him throughout his time in Azkaban.  _Remus should have been secret-keeper. I should have been secret-keeper. What made me think Peter could do it? The Potters are dead because of me…_

       When he had finally escaped from that hellhole of a prison, his only thought had been Harry. That he had to get to Harry — had to save him.  He couldn’t think about anything else, not even his only surviving best friend.  Well, he was thinking about him now, and Sirius Black was sorry.

        A few days later, Sirius broke into Hogwarts. Somehow he always – even when in Azkaban –instinctually knew when it was Halloween. It had been a favorite holiday of all the Marauders when they were going to school, and it had been the date of his “real” brother and his family’s deaths.  Wound up tight, he felt he had to do _something_ lest Peter try again on the anniversary of his “success.”

        Sirius failed to reach him. He had never had a problem with the Fat Lady, who’d always let him in as a student, even at midnight. Why did she have to spoil everything now? He’d have to lie low for a while…

       It was months later now. He had to try again soon.  Perhaps his human form wasn’t the best for getting the job done. He transformed and made his way to the front door. No one was there, so Sirius just walked right in. Harmless dog right? The halls were abandoned (were there classes going on then?) so he wandered where he pleased, still not straying from his ultimate path. It was a while until he was spotted. A first year looked up from one of the classrooms (it seemed to be old Minnie’s) and smiled, effectively distracting the professor.  Sirius wasted no time in hightailing it out of there—the moment he heard McGonagall address the student and heard the girl reply “There’s a big black dog in the hall, Professor” he spun around, and ran up the stairs as fast as he could, bowling over what he thought was Professor Flitwick, in the process. Hallway though hallway he ran, until he reached the seventh-floor corridor. _I need a place to hide,_ he thought, and sure enough, just as he had hoped, the Room of Requirement opened up for him.

       Several hours later – at what was probably slightly after dinnertime — Sirius came out of his hiding place. He padded softly back through the halls, retracing his steps down to the fifth floor.  “They call it the Dementor’s Kiss.”  Remus’ voice.  _What are you doing in the History of Magic room, Moony?_  “It’s what dementors do to those they wish to destroy utterly.  I suppose there must be some kind of mouth under there, because they clamp their jaws upon the mouth of the victim and – suck out his soul.”

      The sound of spitting. “What—they kill—?” It was a young voice. So familiar…

      “Oh no. Much worse then that. You can exist without your soul, you know, as long as your brain and heart are still working. But you’ll have no sense of self anymore, no memory, no…anything.  There’s no chance at all of recovery.  You’ll just—exist. As an empty shell.  And your soul is gone forever…lost.” A heavy pause. “It’s the fate that awaits Sirius Black. It was in the Daily Prophet this morning. The ministry have given the dementors the permission to perform it if they find him.”

      Sirius crept up to the doorway, peering in cautiously. His heart leapt at what he saw. Remus, sitting on a raised platform in the classroom, next to Harry, butterbeers in hand. _At least they have each other,_ he thought. _One day I’ll be free, and I’ll join you for a butterbeer._

      His hopes were quickly dashed. Harry raised his head, looked at Lupin, and said decisively, coldly, “He deserves it.”

_Harry, you don’t know the truth! If you knew would you be so quick to condemn me?  Perhaps he would…_

      “You think so?” Remus spoke lightly, raising his eyebrows at the young boy, before lowering his gaze back down to the bottle in his hands. “Do you really think anyone deserves that?” 

_Oh, Moony! Sweet, kind, compassionate, Moony. How could you be anything else? Even after everything I’ve done to you, still you protect me from the worst of fates._

      Sirius thought back to the first time he had met Remus. He had been a pale, sickly, fragile child, whose wide eyes betrayed the fear he felt at being heckled by a gang of third year Slytherins his very first time on the _Hogwarts Express_. Sirius, who had been close to moving on to an empty compartment, made a split second decision to come to the boy’s aid. His confidant swagger and sharp tongue had annoyed the older students so much that they gave up on bullying Remus, and left, bumping into James Potter, his giant owl cage and overstuffed trunk on the way out.  It had been the start of a unique friendship between them. While Sirius and James bonded within minutes over their shared mischievous streak and love of the Holyhead Harpies – later to be joined by a young and decidedly less rat-like Peter – Remus had been reluctant to befriend any of them. He sat instead with his nose in a book for quite sometime before falling fast asleep. Sirius, for his part, was very curious about the hapless kid he had rescued, and sensing the fact that he was a bit of a pushover, resolved to go out of his way to keep him from bullies.

      While James and Sirius became as inseparable as twin brothers despite the many rows between them; Sirius and Remus never rowed, with the latter always preferring to leave it at a reproachful look or comment always placed when at the peak of exasperation.  When Sirius learned of Remus’ condition, his desire to protect the young werewolf doubled. He rarely let Remus wander around on his own, either escorting him about the castle himself or sending James or Peter to do so. Sirius was also the driving force of the research in their efforts to become animagi. After their success, he was the only one to carefully plan all of his detentions around full moons. He had never missed one. He was also the first in the hospital wing the next morning, ready to visit him. 

    While everyone knew and spoke of how James and Sirius were always together, they often missed the unspoken loyalty between Remus and Sirius, who also were never far apart. The thing that held the two together was quite possibly the fact that they were polar opposites. Sirius was rash, brazen, confident, and a go-getter. If he wanted it, he pursued it. Remus didn’t even brush his teeth without planning it. He rarely stood up for himself, and was quite possibly a saint he was so compassionate. Sirius had always admired his friend’s compassion, because he himself had none. He was now grateful for the fact that Moony had reserved some for _him._

     Sirius chanced a look back into the classroom.  Harry’s voice was steely as he replied to Remus, “Yes…for some things.”  Sirius took a deep breath. He no longer had the will or energy to continue searching for Peter tonight. But soon, very soon, he’d end this. He’d make things better. For Harry. For Remus.   


End file.
